Of Course War Machine Was Captured, Tasered, At An Extended Stay America

  • Rick Chandler

And now possibly the greatest paragraph of the year so far:

Police said that War Machine was found at a Simi Valley hotel, where there was “a small quantity of cash and some pizza” in the room before he was transported to the Ventura County Jail.

As you may know by now, War Machine (Jonathan Koppenhaver) was arrested in Los Angeles on Friday by U.S. Marshals (not, sadly, Dog the Bounty Hunter). My next fondest hope was the he was pulled out of the bathroom window while trying to escape, like William H. Macy in “Fargo”.

But no, apparently it went down like this:

A guest at the hotel told KTLA News that authorities used a Taser to subdue Koppenhaver.

“And they were like banging on the door, trying to get it open, and they’re like, ‘Open the door, open the door,” Nicolle Blankenship told the station. “Finally when they got it open they yelled, ‘Gun,’ and then all of a sudden you see them shoot him with a Taser. And he got shot with a Taser and he went down to the floor, and then they handcuffed him.”

War Machine was wanted for allegedly beating up his porn star girlfriend, Christy Mack. He was caught in Simi Valley, where’s he’s from. If he in fact signed the register as “War Machine”, I will pay a huge amount of money to own that slip of paper.

Just after War Machine was arrested, Dog the Bounty was interviewed at LAX by TMZ.

And Dog drops a bombshell … he says War Machine may have beaten another woman while he was on the run … like he allegedly beat Christy Mack

The charges, according to the LA Times: Several counts of battery, assault with a deadly weapon and other crimes, police said.