Pretty Much Screwed: The 2013-14 Atlanta Hawks
Welcome to “Pretty Much Screwed,” our definitive guide to the upcoming NBA season. This team-by-team preview details why it’s probably not your favorite team’s year. Let us take a look at the team with this logo. The Red Birds? Wesleyan University? Seriously, what the hell is with this stupid ass cartoon bird?
Look into the Hawks eyes. What do you see?
You see an NBA franchise so out of touch with reality, that they keep this as their logo. Guys, when the fashion/design world zigs, you gotta zig with 'em. Don't zag. And certainly, don't put this Angry Birds wannabe on the floor at center court. Its terrible. And it just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the problems the Atlanta Hawks have always had.
Let's take Josh Smith -- an Atlanta native -- for example. He left this offseason for the Detroit Pistons because he thought he had a better chance at winning there. In Detroit.
They haven't made the playoffs in four years. That's how low his expectations are of the 2013-14 Atlanta Hawks.
"When I first met with Joe [Dumars], he had me sold from the word 'go,'" Smith told ESPN.com. When the word "Go" persuades hometown heros to leave their hometown, you know something's wrong. And it all starts with this logo.
No self-respecting fanbase over the age of nine would allow such an abominable cartoon to adorn every and all of their favorite team paraphernalia. It looks like a Division I AA hockey logo. It reflects a front office that doesn't give a shit. It reflects a team that can't be taken seriously. And it reflects a franchise that never gets enough national attention for the people of Earth to take note of how ridiculous the Atlanta Hawks -- as a concept -- really are.
Were it not for the Atlanta's reputation as the Las Vegas of NBA destination cities, the Hawks would be the Bobcats. Expect that the Bobcats are smart enough to go with the classic "Hornets" re-branding. The Hawks would never try something like that. That's too classy for the Atlanta basketball franchise.
Honestly, they'll always be a mediocre team with no history to speak of, that only attracts low level NBA stars because the city's got a great selection of strip clubs to blow your undeserved multi-million dollar, multi-year deal at.
That's what the Atlanta Hawks are. Their the team that plays in the NBA's version of Las Vegas.
You think that's a recipe for success? Because, so far, it's been nothing short of a complete disaster from 1968 on.
Watching the 2013-14 Hawks will be interesting in the same way the ball pit at Burger King is interesting. Sure, it's fun for a second, and then you realize you're an adult and you shouldn't be doing something you're embarrassed to tell your friends about. For real. Saying "Last night I watched Al Horford go off for 17 points against the Magic!" is a quick way to become the least relatable, boringest sports fan in America.
The starting lineup is blah. Kyle Korver at the three? He's a bench specialist. Paul Millsap? He'd be useful on a team with a scorer. Jeff Teague? A fast, decent young point guard nowhere near the top of the list of PGs you'd want running your team. Lou Williams at shooting guard? Wow, that's a small back court.
Then there's a bench fronted by NBA journeyman, Elton Brand. Open and shut case. If you think this team is better than the Cavs, you're nuts. An eight seed, if you're lucky.
But look on the bright side: Dennis Schroder might turn into the next Rajon Rondo. So there's that...
Actual Season Prediction: 41-41. Maybe make the playoffs. Al Horford gets traded somewhere he can compete. The Hawks get younger and rebuild.
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