Invitation To SplitsVille: Rory McIlroy Calls Off Engagement To Caroline Wozniacki

  • Rick Chandler

I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to say it: our dream of watching a Rory McIlroy-Caroline Wozniacki superbaby have been shattered. McIlroy has called off their engagement, and they are a couple no more. He apparently got a huge dose of reality upon seeing the printed wedding invitations. I blame UPS.

Yep, things were that far along: the printed wedding invitation stage. The Guardian:

“There is no right way to end a relationship that has been so important to two people,” McIlroy said. “The problem is mine. The wedding invitations issued at the weekend made me realize that I wasn’t ready for all that marriage entails.

“I wish Caroline all the happiness she deserves and thank her for the great times we’ve had. I will not be saying anything more about our relationship in any setting.”

Wait, Rory is giving her the “It’s not you, it’s me” speech? That’s my speech.

The two were seen dining together as recently as Sunday. But between then and now, Rory must have had a talk with Kramer.

“I mean what are you thinking about Jerry? Marriage? Family? They’re prisons! Man-made prisons. You’re doing time! You get up in the morning, she’s there. You go to sleep at night, she’s there. It’s like you got to ask permission to use the bathroom. ‘Is it alright if I use the bathroom now?’ And you can forget about watching TV while you’re eating. And you know why? Because it’s dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner? You talk about your day. ‘How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today whatkindodadaywasitwellIdon’tknowhowwasyourday?’ It’s a sad state of affairs. Oh you HAVE NO IDEA.”

Of course Irish bookmaker Paddy Power is already offering odds on who McIlroy’s next girlfriend will be:

I’m placing a bundle on Pippa Middleton and the next time you see me I’m gonna be filthy rich.