The Marist Crew Team Would Like To Know: Anyone Missing A Giant Head?

  • Rick Chandler

I suppose they find body parts in the Hudson River all the time … but a giant head? This one’s of the Styrofoam variety, and resembles part of a Michelangelo statue, or perhaps Ryan Gosling. It was found early this morning bobbing in the river by the Marist men’s crew team, who hauled it to shore like they’d just found the body of the Loch Ness Monster.

Apparently once attached to a giant Styrofoam body, the rest of it was nowhere to be found. (It sleeps with the fishes). Comments on Reddit:

[–]daedalum 86 points 20 hours ago
I’m guessing its from the Bardavon or the Powerhouse theater company. A Bardavon prop could probably roll right down the hill. Plus they just knocked down those ancient hangars along the riverfront and who knows whats been going on in those things all these years.

[–]moregraceful 445 points 23 hours ago
A couple years back my school’s rowing team pulled a dead body out of the river. This, though, intrigues me more.

And of course …

[–]veritableplethora 12 points 12 hours ago
Please post when they find the penis.


While it was clear the head wasn’t of ancient provenance, its origins are a mystery. Lavin said he thinks it was floating downriver, and there’s no indication the head was spotted south of Poughkeepsie.

But the Hudson River is a tidal estuary, famously named by Native Americans as “the river that flows both ways” with tidal forces pushing saltwater north from the Atlantic and a current from the river’s source flowing downriver to the south. That means it’s possible the head could have come from either direction.

“It’s a mystery we’re trying to solve,” said Greg Cannon, the college’s spokesman.

I know that crew teams from the Ivy League schools will be instantly envious that they haven’t found giant floating Styrofoam heads during practice.

Of course now the head must be shipped to Chicago to break the Cubs’ curse.