The Next Big Thing In Figure Skating? This Guy…

  • Jake O'Donnell

Ladies and gentlemen, there’s a new name you need to learn heading into the Sochi games: Jason Brown. The 19-year-old Winter Olympian — who looks like combination of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Jay from the “Jay and Silent Bob” movies — laid the smack down at the 2014 U.S. Figure Skating Championships this last Sunday, nearly beating tourney favorite Jeremy Abbott, and securing a spot in this year’s Winter Olympics.

His secret? A Ted Dibiase “Million Dollar Man” outfit. Just kidding. (Though the resemblance is striking, on account of the money green shirt and the sequined WWF Championship belt.) Jason Brown is dripping swag. He’s flamboyant. He’s entertaining. He’s (insert another synonym for flamboyant). Oh, and he’s incredibly good at jumping and spinning on skates. The kid’s basically picked up where American skating legend Johnny Weir left off (now a full-time commentator), and is who we’re officially backing going into the February’s month-long international competition.

Why is it so important that you know who he is? Well, the short answer is that beating the Russians in figure skating will not only make us look better at sports, but it will be some sort of statement about sexual politics, and how, in this country, we don’t persecute people for who they love.

I need not explain the connection between figure skating and sexuality.

But that’s not the point of this post. The post is that you need to see Jason Brown kick the shit out of triple-lutzs.