The Top 14 Reasons I’m Looking Forward To The Sochi Winter Olympics (Vladimir Putin’s List Will Differ Dramatically, Says New Book)

  • Rick Chandler

So it turns out that Vladimir Putin is gay, according to a Moscow politcal scientist. That explains all the shirtless photos and homophobic legislation: it’s misdirection. Isn’t that always the way? There’s a new book by Stanislav Belkovsky, in which the author claims that the Russian government planted rumors about Putin having an affair with a Russian former gymnast to hide his homosexuality. Then this sentence happened: The book also claims that the 61-year-old president finds sex ‘alien’ and that he prefers animals over humans.

So if the book is accurate, Putin won’t really be appreciating certain aspects of the 2014 Winter Games, as chronicled below. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. He’ll just be attending the men’s speedskating. And closely watching the mascots.

But here are the 14 reasons I’m looking forward to the Winter Olympics, including Austrian peeler Claudia Toth (pictured), and one chick who’s heavily armed. (A couple of these folks won’t actually be competing in Sochi, but should be seen in broadcasting roles or in interviews):