This Is Royal Caribbean’s Idea Of How To Get People To Take Cruises Again

  • Rick Chandler

An ocean cruise?! Sounds like fun!! Except, that is, for the:

Power outages, non-working septic system, Somali pirates, engine fires, norovirus outbreaks, 70-foot waves, icebergs, sexual assaults, drunk captains, boring dinner companions.

Um, I think I’ll stay home and hit myself on the head with a circus mallet. But unlike many of their passengers, companies such as Royal Caribbean, Disney and Carnival Cruises are not taking these setbacks lying down. They’re upping the ante — trying to draw back customers, and grab new ones, by adding amusement park attractions to their ships.

(Although, by some reports, the cruise industry is doing just fine).

The Associated Press reports that Royal Caribbean is launching a new line of ships in 2014 that will include bumper cars (pictured), roller skating, base jumping, and this:

The ships will also include a new thrill experience called North Star. A jewel-shaped glass capsule will hold 14 people and go over the side of the ship and then climb to 300 feet above the sea, offering passengers unobstructed views.

“OK, time to come back. Open the pod-bay doors, Hal.”

“Hal … open the pod bay doors …”

(Hal in the Aloha Room, filling a plate with shrimp and crab claws).

The Quantum class will debut in fall 2014 with Quantum of the Seas, followed by sister ship Anthem of the Seas in spring 2015. Quantum ships span 18 decks, encompass 167,800 gross registered tons, carry 4,180 guests at double occupancy and feature 2,090 staterooms.

I see no way this can end badly.

Images: Royal Caribbean.