Tiger Surely Will Miss The PGA Championship: Here Are Four Excellent Theories On Why He's Screwing The Pooch Lately

  • Rick Chandler

Sorry, but I’m still so impressed with Rory McIlroy and Sergio Garcia that it’s hard to write about Tiger Woods. McIlroy of course won the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational, beating Garcia and Rickey Fowler by 2 strokes. He’s The Human Torch right now.

And Garcia of course made the greatest shot since Ray Allen’s 3 in Game 6 of the 2013 NBA Finals … knocking the diamond off of a woman’s engagement ring on a tee shot. Yep. That’s my favorite thing right now, even more so than beer and Michelle Jenneke. (Prediction: that will pass).

Tiger Woods, meanwhile, is having trouble tying his shoes. He withdrew from the Bridgestone on Sunday after eight holes, complaining of back pain. He’s almost certainly a no-go for the PGA Championship. His Ryder Cup spot is in doubt as well.

His best finish in his past three tourneys since back surgery in March has been a 69th place. Guardian UK:

“It happened on the second hole when I hit my second shot,” Woods explained to reporters in the car park, where even removing his golf shoes looked to be causing discomfort. “I fell back into the bunker, just jarred it. It’s been spasming ever since. It’s just the whole lower back. I don’t know what happened.”

To recap, Tiger has won 14 majors, but none since his 2009 run-in with a tree, a fire hydrant and his wife’s golf club outside their Florida home.

Why is Tiger suddenly so injury prone? Why no majors titles in more than four years? Why all the profanity? Here are the major (according to me) prevailing theories:

* Loser’s Limp. We went over this somewhat on Sunday. What do you do when you’re losing in the 200m dash? Pull up lame, of course. Roberto Duran said “No mas” and complained of stomach cramps when he was losing to Sugar Ray Leonard. Mike Tyson lunched on an ear when he was behind to Evander Holyfield. Tiger may be doing the equivalent of all of those. You never see him breaking down when he’s in first.

* Physically exhausted and emotionally bankrupt. Being the world’s greatest golfer, earning your first billion $, losing your wife and shagging all those mistresses take their toll. Tiger needs a year off, preferably spent in a sense deprivation chamber.

* Tiger thinks he’s a real athlete and enjoys being injured. This line from Robert Lusetich’s Fox Sports column today: This is, after all, just golf and this is a man who prides himself on being the sport’s first true athlete — a nonsensical claim, of course, given the long history of the game, but one forwarded by the propagandists at Nike, and one that has always brought much joy to Woods himself. Tiger prefers to think of himself as the Kobe Bryant of golf, and being injured proves he’s a warrior. He has a crazy workout regimine, and that’s hurting rather than helping. IMO, anyone who plays a sport in which John Daly can excel cannot call himself an elite athlete.

* Break up with Lindsey Vonn. Tiger needs to be swinging and single again — look what it’s done for McIlroy.