Brazilian Commits Arguably The Worst Dive In Soccer History, Takes Arguably The Worst Penalty Kick In Soccer History. Even Soccer Balls Don’t Lie.

  • Matt Rudnitsky

América São Paulo, a third-division Brazilian soccer team, appears to play its home matches in a 36,426-person stadium. The pitch in the video below appears to be an empty, janky field of potholes, but I digress. We’re alerting you to third-division Brazilian soccer not for technical expertise, though. We’re doing it to show you a man named Pilo, a man who doesn’t care for your distaste for diving in soccer. He committed one of the most pathetic attempts for a dive we’ve seen, yet it somehow worked (insert possibly-legitimate betting conspiracy here). Then, the (soccer) ball didn’t lie.

Honest Abe Lincoln must have been reincarnated as a trove of basketballs and soccer balls. Balls are the real commissioners of sports. They never falter.

Just try explaining this screencap to anyone who didn’t watch the video. Sans context, it is a physical impossibility.

We alerted you earlier to the Dutch, soccer-playing Mark Sanchez, but I’m no longer sure that’s fair to Pilo, who appears to have more buttfumbling potential down there in Brazil.

[Dirty Tackle]