Donald Trump Claims To Have A Massive Election
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At some point I keep expecting Joaquin Phoenix to admit he's behind the weird performance art that is Donald Trump's presidential campaign. But tonight in Michigan during the Republican Debate, at a perfect moment to do so, Phoenix was nowhere to be seen. Since the beginning of this whole thing Trump has taken cheap, personal shots at the disabled, at war heroes, and at women. He's also unleashed them on his opponents, who until recently had decided to take the high ground. And how did that work for them? Not very well. So in the past couple of weeks Marco Rubio has released a barrage of personal attacks, but he's bringing a knife to a gun fight. Trump is a professional at slinging mud, so when Rubio made a comment about his small hands last weekend, The Donald couldn't let it go. And he actually said this:
That's right, a candidate for president just said on national television that he has a big dick (takes one to know one, I suppose). Okay, let's all say it together: Trump expects a rise in the polls and has a massive election. Man, I'd hate to be the intern that will fact check that for Fox. There, that's off my chest (see what I did there?).
Yes, I wrote all those childish jokes, but I'm a schmuck. This guy is trying (and unfortunately succeeding) to become our next commander in chief. It's time to face facts: "Idiocracy" was a documentary made by time travelers trying to warn us away from ourselves. Sorry, guys, it didn't work. Our downfall is inevitable. All hail President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho!
President Camacho pic.twitter.com/aOmSb4r10C
— Jon Ward (@jonward11) March 4, 2016
Photo via Getty
David Young is extremely depressed right now.
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