Donald Trump Declares Richard Simmons Hostage Crisis: ‘We Have To Get Him Out’

  • Rick Chandler


Jimmy Carter had his Iran hostage crisis, and now Donald Trump faces his moment in history. As has been chronicled on this site, Richard Simmons has been in seclusion for two years — hardly anyone has even seen the flamboyant fitness guru, who is sequestered in his mansion, watched over by a housekeeper and his manager.

Some say that he’s not in a healthy mental state, and that the housekeeper is holding him there against his will. This of course is a topic that must be addressed by the leading Republican presidential candidate. NY Daily News:

Donald Trump vowed to “save” the reclusive fitness guru during a radio interview on the Jonathon Brandmeier Show.

“We have to get him out,” Trump said. “We have to get him out. No question.”

It’s not clear whether Trump is calling for military intervention, or just a stealth extraction team which could get in quickly and quietly, like Seal Team 6, and whisk Simmons to safety. Perhaps, like Ronald Reagan, Trump can broker a deal in secret and then free Simmons on the eve of the election.

It’s hard to believe that just a few short Thanksgivings ago, Simmons was dressed in a turkey costume being chased across the stage by David Letterman, who was spraying him with a fire extinguisher. Now, at age 67, Simmons has not been seen in public for two years, and a friend who visited him recently said that he seemed to be a captive in his own home. Simmons denied this in a phone interview with The Today Show on Monday, saying that he is fine.

It’s not clear whether Trump thought that he was just playing along with a bit, or that he really wants to save Simmons. But he should know by now that his supporters are very short on nuance and tend to take things literally, so, well, have fun storming the castle, you guys.