GOT Recap, Episode 10: Someone Enhanced The Mountain’s Shadowed Face, And … Hooooo Lordy
As Gene Wilder said to the monster in Young Frankenstein: "Why hello there, handsome!"
(Monster looks around quizzically, points to self).
You may think of Ser Gregor Clegane, aka Ser Robert Strobg, aka The Mountain, as an unholy creature created in a lab who is around solely to do Cersei's bidding. But really he's just simply misunderstood. Like, hiding his real face, for instance. It's not that he's shy or ashamed, it's just that no on ever asked him to take a driver's license photo before.
So here he is during the season finale of Game of Thrones on Sunday, taking off his helm. It seems that Cersei's captured Septa Ullna in the aftermath of burning down the Great Sept in King's Landing, and wants The Mountain -- Cersei's hellbeast -- to torment the Faith Militant fanatic.
Unfortunately The Mountain's face is almost completely enveloped in shadow, and the only indication we have that he's hideous is Ullna's terrified screams. But then, a dedicated fan enhanced the features, and we get a pretty clear picture.
A tad lighter. Hmmm, this can't end well.
But really, how bad could it ... oh SWEET JESUS. That's 100 percent high-test nightmare fuel.
She was right. Our Gods have forsaken us all. This was executed by Popsugar. Shame! Shame!
Meanwhile, this is now a thing
I downloaded the Game of Thrones Shame Bell app while drunk and it's the best decision I've ever made period. pic.twitter.com/LnuZ4ION3P
— Po Scoby (@PoScoby) June 18, 2016
No One Puts Cersei In A Corner
The Green Trial > The Red Wedding, at least as far as number of casualties. Cersei incinerated two Lannisters, three Tyrells and countless numbers of Sparrows, onlookers, and I guess court reporters (not cool) when the wildfire being stored beneath the Great Sept of Baelor went boom. But the plan was a lot more elaborate than it had to be, wasn't it? Kids running around hoping to get sparrows to follow them; Maester Pycell being pried away from his prostitute, then getting stabbed by kids; Lancell Lannister being lured into the basement, where he is knifed by a Little Leaguer; even The Joker was saying, "That's a bit too complicated."
Cersei's plan was left in the hands of children, and you know how reliable they can be. The untimely arrival of an ice cream truck could have derailed the entire plot.
Still, you gotta feel sorry for that one guy in the street outside the Sept. He's not even at the trial -- he's just walking down the street, minding his own business -- and he gets smashed by a giant bell. Poor dope.
So Cersei is now your current occupant of the Iron Throne -- but that's a little like being manager of the Minnesota Twins at this point. She's got Dorne and Highgarden aligned against her in the south, Daenerys Targarean and her huge-ass army sailing in from the east, the unified Starks against her in the north, plus assorted red priestesses, dragons and the goddamned walking dead. An Jamie's not too thrilled with her right now either. Hey, how come no one's RSVPing for my inauguration ball?
I'm Falling For You
"So what is your next move, your Grace? The Kingsguard are assembled and ... your Grace? The army is, um ... hello?
Too soon, Melisandre
Awkward farewell presents pic.twitter.com/hcwFrj0qCu
— Carice van Houten (@caricevhouten) June 29, 2016
The whole thing so far was just Bran's dream
Season 7 will consist of him waking up as usual and doing his chores. Hey, you can have your fan theories, and I can have mine.
Sam Gets his library card
Many on Twitter have preferred the Belle at the library meme from Beauty and the Beast for this, but I like this one: the library scene from The Music Man. I just wish that one day a woman will look at me with the same adoration that Sam looks at books. Gilly and little Sam, however, are not having as great a time out in the waiting room, I'd reckon. I doubt that the Citadel has a subscription to Redbook, or any toys.
Could this be a clue to how the series ends?
By the way, did you notice the big light fixture in the library? It's the same gyroscope light contraption that's been in the title sequence of the show for six years now, which I always figured represented the sun. And we're just now seeing it? That's some patience there, Game of Thrones.
Or ... is it an important clue? There has been speculation in internetdom that Game of Thrones is a story being told by a maester to some children, recounting an important and fantastical stretch of Westeros history. Could the light be the lens in which the Maesters are viewing the story? From Mic.com:
Moreover, as another eagle-eyed redditor, SulkyShulk, added, the magnifying glass that the unnamed Maester is using at the beginning of the scene is another understated hint at the credits. In turn, it could suggest we are, essentially, viewing Game of Thrones through the lens of a Maester telling a historical account of Westeros in the future. Perhaps, even Sam himself?
Actually this might be more of an in-joke by Elastic, the company that made the titles.
Eventually, Angus Wall at Elastic, had “a vision of a mad monk, in a tower somewhere,” who was somehow keeping track of all this action, “and creating as he went. He would then fashion little automatons out of the materials that would be available in his world. They would be stone, or tin, or wood, and everything would feel very hand-crafted.”
Lyanna Mormont's Speech, Translated for today's youth
After much complaining and gnashing of teeth, the Northern leaders are still torn over their allegiances, and whether they should all go home for the Winter. Then Lyanna Mormont sets them straight:
"Your son was butchered at the Red Wedding Lord Manderly, but you refused the call. You swore allegiance to House Stark Lord Glover, but in their hour of greatest need, you refused the call. And you, Lord Cerwyn, your father was skinned alive by Ramsay Bolton, and still, you refused the call. But House Mormont remembers. The North remembers! We know no king but the king in the North whose name is Stark. I don't care if he's a bastard: Ned Stark's blood runs through his veins. He's my king, from this day until his last day!"
In the books this was basically Lord Manderly's speech, but why would I want to watch a blow-by-blow TV version of the books? This version is so effective coming from a 10-year-old girl, basically shaming these older lords from ancient houses for running from their duty. Today she could have said: "How about you so-called lords stop being little bitches and get behind the person who literally died for you to get back the North?"
It seems to be unanimous, Jon Snow is the King in the North. Well, with one abstention. Littlefinger isn't exactly on board. And that look Sansa gives him says "Yep, I'm going to have to deal with this fucker eventually."
All men Must Dine
I can think of nothing scarier than shape-shifting Arya out for revenge. Baking Lothar and Black Walder Frey into a pie and then serving it to Old Walder was just genius. But nothing in her House of Black and White experience ever taught her to cook. And that points to -- her old friend Hot Pie. Oh, you can say that Hot Pie had nothing to do with this, but I'll never believe you. That crust was just too perfectly brown and flaky for Arya to have done it.
The most amazing thing about the graphic above is that an imagur commenter, DrForester, made it two years ago -- long before we knew that there would be baking-related murder at The Twins. Now that's what I call Greenseeing.
Well, that's it. Another 42 weeks until we get the next season, when things should really get interesting. Thanks for stopping by and remember, never give up on the gravy
So, which character won Season 6? There aren't as many possible choices as we thought we'd have, because Cersei blew up most of them. But we found a few candidates, and ranked them below.
Be the first to know
Want FREE Fantasy and Gaming Advice and Savings Delivered to your Inbox? Sign up for our Newsletter.