First Lance Armstrong, then Manti Te’o & Now Subway? Make it Stop!
Perhaps I read too much Shakespeare when I was younger, or maybe I just listened to too much Rush. I say that because sometimes I feel that all the world's indeed a stage and we are merely players, performers and portrayers. What the heck is going on here? Every where I turn it seems that we are being duped or hoodwinked. As I listened to Lance Armstrong last night “tell all” to Oprah, I didn’t even know if I should believe him when he said that he did in fact take steroids. My first thought was, “Hey wait, maybe he’s using double reverse psychology against us.” First Lance Armstrong, then Manti Te’o and now Subway? Make it stop!
By my account, over the past five years I’ve ordered no less than 220 "Five-dollar Footlong" Subway sandwiches. I have three boys and we are constantly stopping there between sporting events on weekends in an effort to “have better fast-food.” So when I found out that Subway’s signature meal has been routinely measuring out at closer to 11 inches than a full foot, I immediately did some Mike-math. Subway owes me at least 18 full "Five-dollar Footlong" Subway sandwiches or $90 + tax.
I was going to to call Michael Strahan who is a friend of RotoExperts and read him the riot act, but I don’t think it’s his fault. Was he supposed to measure the footlong sandwich before he agreed to be an endorser? That’s like blaming the reporters that interviewed Manti Te’o this past season who reported on his circumstances for not asking him, “So your girlfriend who died, did she actually exist?” It’s not any of the celebrity endorsers faults who work with Subway. Not Blake Girffin, Michael Phelps, Apolo Anton Ohno, Nastia Liukin, Ryan Howard, CC Sabathia, Robert Griffin III, Mark Ingram, Justin Tuck or anyone else you can think of that gets paid to promote the Subway brand; except Jared. Him I'm pissed at because I think he knew.
A thorough investigation of this matter by me, myself and I has turned up some disturbing facts that link Jared Fogle’s supposed weight loss attributed to eating Subway sandwiches to simply eating less. After losing more than 240 by following the “Subway Diet”, Jared, also known as the “Subway Guy,” became the chain’s spokesperson and continues to do so today. He has been featured in commercials, sponsored in-store appearances and even has his own website within Subway’s. How did he do it? The guy simply ate less food! He lost weight, shocker!
Here is a company that went out and marketed their food in such a way that suggested if you eat their product, that you would lose weight. The truth however turns out to be that if you eat less of their product, you will lose weight. Think how much less you would weigh if you ate 1/12 the food you have actually consumed in your life time. I’m about 200 pounds, so that means I’d probably be closer to 185. Do the math yourself, the heavier you are, the more the quantitative loss.
For me this has turned out to be another sad day in the world of sports. Whether the athletes endorsing Subway knew customers were getting short changed or not isn’t the issue here. The point is that you can’t believe an athlete that’s endorsing a product, you can’t believe an athlete when they say they didn’t take steroids, heck you can’t even believe that an athlete that says they have a girlfriend that exists; not even an dead one!
I wish there was a logical explanation here like the sandwiches are only 11 inches because they are cold, but shrinkage only happens when you get out of a cold pool. I think Subway should go by the bakers doesn’t rule from here on out to make up for this. All "Five-dollar Footlong" Subway sandwiches should now be 13 inches. From a PR standpoint, the only thing I can think of is that they get Ron Jeremy to be their new spokesperson... And if they have no intention on making good on this, they need to have Nigel Tufnel start doing their commercials because "these go to eleven."
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