New York Yankees Now Officially “Evil”
In probably the biggest waste of tax payer dollars yet, a panel of trademark judges in Washington, D.C., has legally awarded the trademarked phrase “Baseball’s Evil Empire” to the New York Yankees, denying a request by Evil Enterprises, Inc. to trademark the phrase themselves.
The phrase itself was actually coined by president and chief executive of the Boston Red Sox Larry Lucchino in 2002, but after the nickname stuck, the Yankees have accepted it, citing using the “Evil Empire” theme from Star Wars as evidence that they have “implicitly embraced” their standing in baseball is evil incarnate.
They have now legally embraced it as well; the aforementioned panel of judges have decided that allowing anyone else to to be referred to as “the Evil Empire” would be too confusing to allow.
“In short, the record shows that there is only one Evil Empire in baseball and it is the New York Yankees,” wrote the judges. “Accordingly, we find that [the Yankees] have a protectable trademark right in the term . . . as used in connection with baseball.”
The judges then reportedly spent the rest of the day fantasy casting current Yankees as Star Wars characters. Derek Jeter was the natural pick for Luke Skywalker, as was C.C. Sabathia for Jabba.