Two weeks ago, I posed a question: Is the NBA rigged? The answer was inconclusive. Now, it’s not. I’m exaggerating, except that I’m not. We are at Game 6 in the NBA Finals. The two remaining things that David Stern can do to impact the bottom line are: 1) force Game 7, because TV ratings! and 2) have the Miami Heat win the title because merchandise and stuff! Cool. But us educated NBA fans know this, so Stern would have the respect to refrain from rigging, right? Or at least do it discreetly? No.
Tonight’s referee is Joe Crawford. Joey Crawford. Stern’s henchman. The worst referee of them all. Tonight’s game is already decided. The Miami Heat have defeated the San Antonio Spurs to force a Game 7, by a score of Joey Crawford to Joey Crawford. Joey Crawford was named the player of the game. At the postgame press conference, Joey Crawford said:
I wanna give a shout-out to Joey Crawford: he did a great job out there. Joey Crawford was shooting the lights out of the ball, fighting through screens, all of that. And you can’t forget Joey Crawford, running the point like he’s freaking Joey Crawford or something! And without Joey Crawford coming off the bench, we would have lost by 30. Coach Joey Crawford made all the right adjustments and had us fired up from the opening tip. And that ref is goddamn good-looking, too.
Eat mongoose shit, David Stern.
Note: I suppose there is a slight possibility the Spurs win. If they do, tweet at me and call me stupid.