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Super Bowl Commercial Power Rankings: The Day The Puppies Rose Up And Conquered All

Yes, the new Budweiser Super Bowl spot is a well-made, heartwarming commercial. But let’s not forget that when you mention horses, puppies and beer, one of those things doesn’t really belong. Perhaps the keyword here is loyalty, and the subtext is, “please stick with our mediocre product out of habit.”

Plus, what’s with all the puppies in these commercials?

See the commercial below, part of the updated power rankings, which will be presented each weekday as new full commercials and trailers debut:

1. Toyota Highlander. We had the teaser for this commercial rated pretty highly, and now the full spot is out. We make no apologies for our fondness for The Muppets, and especially the Muppet Chickens. The concept of Muppet animals which act like animals, interacting with Muppet animals which act like people, continually fascinates us. Also Terry Crews is pretty cool.

2. Godaddy.com. Supposedly a woman is going to quit her job during this commercial, and you’ll see her boss’ live reaction. The beginning of reality TV Super Bowl advertising? God, I hope not.

3. Chobani. This 60-second ad will air in the third quarter, and aside from using classic Bob Dylan (“I Want You”), how can you not love a bear who ransacks a store, takes only one cup of yogurt, and then tries to pay for it?

4. Axe Body Spray. In “Axe Peace: Make Love, Not War”, Axe poses the eternal question: what if all the world’s most war-loving leaders and their minions all started the day with a refreshing dose of scented liquid? Included here I see, apparently, is the Vietnam War, which predates Axe by a full decade. Better idea for that spot: how about Chris Christie getting sprayed down (shudder), then canceling the George Washington Bridge closure?

5. Jaguar. Ever notice how all the super villains these days are British? Oh yes, it’s good to be back. At last: a Super Bowl commercial that actually has something to do with the product.

6. Budweiser. It’s official: the Super Bowl is now ruled by puppies.

7. Audi. Doberhuahua. Know what I mean?

8. Dannon Oikos Yogurt. The terrifyingly surreal quality of this commercial cannot be understated — I think each one of us at one time has awaken in a cold sweat having dreamed just such a scenario. You and your former roommates, now in late middle age, all still living together. And the image of Dave Coulier vacuuming John Stamos’ pants is just too graphic for network TV, in my opinion. Anyway, the three “Full House” stars are reuniting for multiple ads during the game (Stamos has been a spokesman for Dannon for the past couple of years). Good luck getting to sleep tonight.

9. CarMax. Their commercial, “Slow Clap”, isn’t that inspiring on its own, until you realize that they’ve also created another version, scene-for-scene, using puppies.

10. Kia. In “The Truth”, Morpheus has gone from being the leader of a group dedicated to the protection of Zion and the freeing of humans from the Matrix, to selling cars. Rather sobering, actually.

READ: Everything You Wanted To Know About The 2014 Super Bowl Commercials (But Were Afraid To Ask) [SportsGrid]

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