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BREAKING: Tom Brady, Gisele Produce More Genetically Flawless Offspring

Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen’s noble attempt to beautify the human race recently produced another inspiring success story: the birth of the couple’s first daughter, Vivian Lake. Young Vivian was born earlier this week, and this morning, Gisele‘s social media person confirmed the birth via Facebook and shared the following photo:

We think it’s safe to assume – without putting too much pressure on this newborn infant – that Vivian will grow up to be both a supermodel and the first female NFL quarterback, given her genetic advantages. And while we realize this child was just born, we feel it’s our duty to remind Brady and Bündchen of their duty to further enrich the human race with more products of the physical perfection they are both fortunate enough to enjoy. Our future well-being as a species depends on such couples mating frequently. Congrats, you two freakishly perfect specimens… but don’t stop now.

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