Welcome to SportsGrid’s Tuesday feature, “Shut Up,” (pronounced: “shut up… comma”) where we add a name after the comma, telling that person to stop saying words, because they’re being stupid. This week, that person is a group of stubborn assholes.
In case you missed it, we’re no longer calling the Washington Redskins the Washington Redskins (except right there, so you could understand me, sorry, I never said I was a good person), instead opting for clever pseudonyms like Washington Machines and Washington Potato Skins. We support the name change, because it’s clear that the word offends a lot of people, for just reasons, and it’s insensitive to keep using it. It’s a very simple concept.
And since the Washington Post’s Mike Wise now feels confident a name change will occur relatively soon, perhaps in the next three years, it’s time to address the people that will freak out about this. It’s time to tell these weirdly-angry people to shut up. Your own “morals” are so important that you can’t concede a fucking nickname?
If you ask any reasonable person what their opinion is, they will typically answer, either:
1) I don’t know enough about the origins of the word to say for sure, but if it does indeed offend Native Americans, they should change it.
2) I know that the word offends lots of Native Americans, so they should change it.
There’s really no other legitimate answer, other than “Fuck Dan Snyder,” which is an incomplete answer yet one that will garner you full credit.
If you are an unreasonable person, you will answer, either:
1) Bro those pussies can just get over it bro, my buddy Mike calls me a gayball all the time and I just sack-tap that pussy. No homo though bro.
2) POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IS TAKING OVER HOW WILL I TELL MY KIDS THAT WE ACCOMMODATED A SUBJUGATED PEOPLE’S REASONABLE REQUEST
3 Oh, my diddly jiggly gosh, I hate people who are so self-righteous!
Number three is the worst kind of person, because as bad as number one and number two are, their idiocy explains their ignorance. Number three thinks he or she is being smart and progressive and a wordsmith, with his misguided use of “self-righteous.” Seriously, if you think that people defending Native Americans’ right to protest the widespread use of a racial slur is self-righteous, go to “dictionary.com” and type in “self-righteous.” This website is like that book thing that tells you when you’re wrong when you claim to know the meanings of big words that you heard the angry Fox News man yell.
self-right·eous [self-rahy-chuhs, self-]
confident of one’s own righteousness, especially when smugly moralistic and intolerant of the opinions and behavior of others.
If you were an idiot, could you argue that pro-name-change people are “self-righteous?” I guess, but if name-change defenders are self-righteous, then Abe Lincoln was self-righteous, Martin Luther King Jr. was self-righteous, anyone with a modicum of testicular fortitude is self-righteous, and anyone with the opinion that people should be treated kindly is “self-righteous.” Any person who has stood up for a different group of people is indeed self-righteous, in this strange, hypothetical world of fluid definitions.
I hope you realize I’m not comparing pro-name-change people to MLK; my point is that if supporting an entire people’s wishes, no matter the magnitude of the issue, is “self-righteous,” then the most important advocates of social change in all of human history are “self-righteous.” And that would really fuck up the meaning of this negatively-connotated word, would it? That wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense, would it?
Even unreasonable people can’t support that. Unless they’re really fucking self-righteous.
Supporting a name change is the opposite of self-righteous, deferring to someone else’s wishes, because their moral wishes of silencing highly-offensive language are far weightier than your “moral wish” to not have to buy a new T-shirt. If you somehow don’t support this, you’re being smugly moralistic with your “opinion,” which is that change that helps people is bad, because it’s different, and you’re being intolerant of the opinions and behaviors of others, and you’re ironically being a self-righteous prick.
And nobdody likes self-righteous pricks. Not even you, you self-righteous prick.