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Media MonsterNFL

Ladies, Who Would You Rather: Eli Manning Or Tom Brady?

In a recent poll conducted on website-for-cheating-people AshleyMadison.com, 54% of married women said they’d rather have an affair with Eli Manning over Tom Brady. This is interesting, since conventional wisdom would say Brady wins this poll in a landslide: he’s been on the cover of Esquire, has a discernible jawline, and he’s impregnated not one, but two supermodels. If America is a high school, he is one of the cool kids.

Eli, meanwhile… is Eli. He looks like he should be building a fort, not leading an NFL team. He dresses like this when he goes out. The Onion once wrote this about him. Yet still, he beat Brady in that poll, 54% to 46%. And in another poll, prior to their last Super Bowl matchup, more women said he’d look better in HD than Brady. Surprising, right?

Which is why we need your help, dear reader. We don’t trust the crazy people on AshleyMadison.com, because they are crazy. So, we pose the question to you. It’s a simple one: Eli or Brady?

For research purposes, I posed that very question to Sarah, who works in our office. Her answers were surprising, and helped shed light on this Eli-is-more-bangable-than-Brady phenomenon.

me: “I would rather have an affair with eli manning than tom brady,” say 54% of women who I assume are lying
Sarah: i would 100% have an affair with manning over brady
me: really?
Sarah: really!
me: why
eli’s such a dork
Sarah: i mean, tom brady seems real dumb
and he has a creepy smile

Sarah: that’s basically it
my skin is crawling!
me: yeah but have you seen…

Sarah:  aww
me:  he looks like

Sarah: ok
you make a good point
i don’t know what to tell you!
hang on i’m taking an informal poll of ladies
Sarah:  two are still thinking
one said brady
i didn’t realize i was that weird!
here’s what my friend said:
“Sarah:  ok but if relaysh wasn’t an option
[redacted]:  just sex? brady
[redacted]:  well he’s not going to be smiling while we bone.. he’s going to be making his o face”
there you have it
me:  so for sex, brady?
Sarah:  wait i have one vote for eli!
me: and if you’re hubbing up, eli?
these are two different questions
Sarah: they are
well, my friend’s vote for eli has been amended. she’s not attracted to him, she just hates tom brady too intensely
me: what are the results of the field study
Sarah: 1 vote for brady, 1 “death is not an option” vote for eli, and my other friend is lost in the weeds of google images i think
me: what about girls at the office?
you have to say out loud: “who would you bang, eli or tom brady”
Sarah: i have to say this out loud?
me: no but it would be much funnier if you did
Sarah: why not
it’s friday
Sarah: ok
i did it
[redacted] and [redacted] voted brady
[redacted] threw a curve ball at all of us and did F/M/K which resulted in marrying eli, killing tom and banging peyton?
i feel like i have more questions now than answers
Sent at 11:58 AM on Friday
Sarah: also the entire business side of the office votes tom brady
me:  so the business side of the office wants the business from tom brady. got it.
Sarah: yup
me: i’m putting all of this on the site

  • Francesca M

    Eli. Because he’d still respect you and appreciate it more afterwards, maybe make breakfast. You know Brady would be ‘Yeah you gotta go.’

  • LVK

    Agree completely with Francesca. I bet he makes a mean pancake…

  • Puterboi

    This could be the dumbest piece I have ever read on a so-called Sports Site…but  it IS Dan Fogarty….and it’s only 2:36…..the day is young…..

  • Anonymous

    This… sounds like a challenge.

  • Anonymous

    The ball is in your court, Skippy.

  • Pats fan

    I couldn’t stop laughing at the pictures you chose for the article to bother reading it.


  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_NJ73ZYIQDOENFOXSF4AOHP5MIU tc

    Brady, for sure. His arms are already proven, imagine the things he’ll do with those hands. [no homo]  God in human form.  He’d get a pass to do my sister simply for wearing UGGs.

  • sugarcupid.com

    I’m a beautiful lady, just wanna to make more friends, recently I joined a amazing site..- –sugarcupid. C○ m】..It is a person’als place where you can meet success’ful rich men, classy mature women, rich women looking for marriage, or just meet beautiful friends and singles. Good luck! :)

  • sugarcupid.com

    It’s a cool place.you   can  find  you  love……—– ‘sugarcupid.С’(‘⊙)M—–

  • Anonymous

    Female here. First, Eli isn’t a dork. You can’t be a freakin pro quarterback and be a dork.  Second, Eli is good looking. Not pretty boy good looking like Brady, but adorable good looking. Let me sum up why women prefer Eli…to be blunt, Eli would be a better lay. No contest. Brady would spend the whole looking at himself in the mirror while Eli would work.

  • Dzacwing

    I dont see why you think Brady has a creepy smile.. wanna talk about a CREEPY smile, look at tom cruise.. and take it from someone who’s practically met the guy, in real life he is NOT just a pretty boy, and not that I was looking, but unless he loads his jock strap, he’d prolly kill you.

  • Helen


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