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Giant Lions, Michael Jordan, And Jonathan Toews Walk Into The Donut Shop From Wayne’s World…

  • Jake O'Donnell

Whenever you dress up a statue, make sure the guy who’s statue it is, is either cool with it or dead. Enter Michael Jordan’s bronze jumpman statue outside the United Center. Blackhawks fans, as they have over the last few years, threw a helmet and a Jonathan Toews jersey on the oddly life sized statue (aren’t they usually, like, huge-er than normal people?). I think we can safely assume Jordan’s cool with it, because he’s routinely spotted in the Blackhawks’ legends luxury box, taking in games, rocking the Toews Jersey, wearing a tiny hat, among the likes of Bobby Hull and Stan Mikita.

On second thought, maybe he’d rather a tiny helmet…

Here’s where it gets sort of/not really that interesting (it’s Sunday, just read and look at the pretty pictures). Mikita, of Wayne’s World donut shop fame, appears as a statue, donning a Blackhawks jersey on the roof of Stan Mikita’s Donuts. Remember? Foxy lady? Ed O’Neill? Aurora, Illinois? We’re starting to see a trend here…

Mikita also has a legitimate statue outside the United Center, though unlike Jordan, Bulls fans seem less inclined to throw a Derrick Rose jersey on it (once again, the immortalized player must be on board with the jersey, and Rose, though amazing, displayed a rather pussy-rific aversion to playing with a boo boo this season, which isn’t very Mikita).

Either way, Mikita is cool with all this. Because he was in the first Wayne’s World (not the shitty second one).

The one exception to the rule of dressing up sculpted metal, is when the statue is of an animal (or, I suppose, art or something or whatever it’s called). In this scenario, you have to be funny. Because animals don’t normally wear clothes. Go big or go home, ya know? The Chicago Art Institue crafted a gigantic Hawks helmet to put on one of their decorative copper lions located in Downtown Chicago (is it actually downtown? I’m not from there).

Despite Jordan having both a jersey AND a helmet, he does not have fangs or claws, nor is he the size of a car. Advantage Lion. Though neither of them sat a top a donut shop. And this isn’t a competition.

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